The whispers from within - my relationship tips

About comments..

Pelle — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 23:13:47 +0000

I do need to ask you all…

Until today I have recieved about 25-30 comments from readers of this blog. Only 1 (!) has survived my spam hunting eyes… Ppl tend to leave a comment with not one word, except a bunch of links to their or others’ websites. And those links are not about this blog, or even related to relationships whahtsoever.

And beyond that, my Akismet Spam Filter has stopped 19 comments… So that leaves me with only one (thanks, Alex :o) ) real comment… A shame

So please - keep your comments for yourself, unless it has something to do with what I write here.

Winter is coming..

Pelle — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 22:31:16 +0000

Long time no writing…

Well - it´s been a tough summer, with working long hours all week, through both june, july and august. This post is to make sure you don’t think I’m dead or, worse, stopped blogging.

My other projects in life have been occupying me, leaving me washed out without energy left to much else than eating and sleeping.

But now things are slowing down and I will soon be back with some new tips and ideas for all you couples and lovers out there.

Talk to you soon.

//Pelle

Narrowing the theme of this blog

Pelle — Mon, 19 May 2008 15:52:07 +0000

Changing the course…

Although the main focus in this blog has been my thoughts and experiences about our relationships, I have sometimes tended to lose myself in other subjects. Though sometimes interesting, sometimes heartbreaking, I feel that my focus should be on the most important thing in our lives, next to having peace, food and somewhere to live; our love life. The quest for a life of quality, if you want.

So from now on, this blog will be more focused. And at the same time more “spread out” (Aye, I know I’m not the best at english terms). More focused in relationship issues. More wide, in the aspect that I can blab about more various sides of our life together.

Bare with me. I will do my very best. (As every year, James… )

//Pelle

Just another relationship…. :o)

10 steps to a great relationship - part VIII

Pelle — Mon, 12 May 2008 14:59:04 +0000

Live your own life…

Try not to live each other’s life. You can’t change who you are and what you love to do - and neither can she.

It happends way too often. The two of you fall in love, you move in with each other and enters a romantic life together. And then one of you - or both- gives up everything you used to do “before” to fill your day. In benefit(?) of each other…

And one day you discover that you actually have no life of your own. No tennis, no stampcollecting, no beer on the pub with da mates, no nothing. You realize that you live only through her…

Don’t let that happen. Encourage each other to keep on living your own lives. Give yourselves enough space to spend time and do things apart from your love. Nothing good comes from holding hands 24/7.

To quote John Gray, I have my own “cave” to dwell in. I am a travelling book salesman and every night before a day out, I spend an hour or two in the garage, filling up the van with new books. From time to time, I sort of slow things down, spend a little more time than needed in there. And that is only in order to be by myself for a little while. Time to let my thoughts wander freely. Time to be silent, to have no one to talk to. Time to breathe, to be just…me.

And I say this enriches our life together. I am convinced that my time alone makes me feel so much better. And therefor the time with my wife makes me whole.

I need both. I need her more than I ever needed anything in my life. But I also need the space and time to talk to myself.

We have also learned to “be alone together”. We can sit in the same room doing different stuff, without speaking to each other for an hour or more. Just being content to be in the same room.

And after 17 years, our love continues to grow deeper.

Until next time,

//Pelle

10 steps to a great relationship - part VII

Pelle — Thu, 01 May 2008 19:15:52 +0000

Those tiny little white lies…

You have all heard the old saying. ” A liar’s most important “quality” is a very good memory.”

True enough. If you start spreading lies around you you sure as hell need to remember every word that comes from your mouth. Otherwise, you are in deep shit.

But that’s not my point here. I have definately no wish to teach you how to live your life in lies, and get away with it. That would contradict all I stand for. For me, lying to my love does not exist.

It has to do with respect.You don’t want to lie to a person you love and respect. Be you - remember? Lies are an evil thing. It achieves nothing. It only turns your relationship into a mine field.

If you have done something that will upset your girl - be honest about it. Your relationship will survive that small thingy. Maybe it will survive just because you were honest about it. It means she will trust you when you actually have not been a bad boy.

Else - think twice before doing it, if it scares you to tell her.

However - a little piece of advice may fit in here. Avoiding lies, does not mean you have to spell your every thought out loud. “Do I look fat in this?” Tricky, right? Maybe the right choice of answer is not “yes, a little”…. You can probably honestly tell her that she looks better in that other dress.

All in all, telling the truth might mess your day up. But lies will screw you for life.

’til next time - be true

//Pelle

Violence within a relationship

Pelle — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 22:08:45 +0000

“I’m so sorry! I promise I will never hit you again…”

Well…..Here we are. Violence in relationships.

Countless men (and, actually, a small number of women ) beats their partner. Countless men beat their girl to death, even. In many cases they torture their partner in order to force them to stay. The logic in such behaviour sure eludes me… On the other hand, many men have long ago stopped loving her, the only thing they have in common are the furniture…

So you don’t love her? So you don’t even like her a little? Maybe you even despise her? So you start beating her, telling her ( and yourself) that it is for her own good. She must know her place, in order to be happy? She must learn to obey? You need to get your frustration out of the system??

Well, boy - seems to be your brains have got out of your system. Guys that beat their partner, is the number two on my list of persons who actually deserves death penalty. (Number one is the pedo’s by the way)

Yes you heard me. (Read actually if you wanna be picky). I’m absolutely honest with you. You have forfeited your right to your own life if you start to beat your girl. I would gladly come personally to throw you out from the roof of Empire State Building, if I had the chance to.

For christ’s sake! If you do not love her - why don’t you just leave her? Go separate ways and give her a chance to find a another man, and yourself an opportunity to find a happy life for yourself.

I don’t get it. I fucking don’t get it. What are men hoping to achieve by beating their women? Let’s say you manage to beat her into …ehm… obedience? Having dinner ready at the table whenever you feel like coming home? You strive for a life with a woman that is terrified of you, scared of doing just about anything, in fear of how you might react? Is that the kind of life you want to live? Is your selfconfidence so totally trampled into the mud, so that you have to torture her to act as if she loves you? What a wonderful sex-life you must have….

Are you so lost that you believe no one could have loved you for your good sides?

So - you beat your partner to create a make-believe life where she, in your fucked-up mind, loves you? Fuck you man. The best thing you can do for this world is kill yourself. That way, the rest of us can live our lives the way it is suppodes to.

Go kill yourself. I’ll be happy to provide you with the rope.

10 steps to a great relationship - part VI

Pelle — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 16:02:41 +0000

Help your love to grow as a person…

I always hear people - friends as well as others- discuss their partners in terms of; “is she the right one for me?” “Is he really my Prince Charming???”

I admit - I used to be one of those people myself. Always wondering, always asking meself if “she” was the princess I’d been waiting for. But somewhere along the way I read something somewhere. I can’t recall if it was some old asian word of wisdom, or what it really was. What I do remember, is that it made some impression on me. It read:

“Do not be so concerned whether she is the right one for you, or not. Instead put your effort in being the right one for her.”

Now - this is truly words of wisdom. These words are damn well worth pondering over. Are we all too self-occupied? Are we or aint we looking only to our own good?

What do these words mean?

There was no answer to that. No key to the right answers… So I had to be my own interpreter.

Eventually, I did find some ways to put this to use in my every day life together with me wife.

First of all; try to be her best support, her best sponsor if you like. Every now and then she she will need your support in one way or another. You will need to be there for her - to comfort, to support, to tell her she’s doing the right thing, to help her her decide…(you decide how long you want this list to be…) Always, always!, let her know that you are by her side, and by her side only. Make it your task to see to it, that she feels good and comfortable. She is worth your every effort - remember, you do love her - right?

This has grown to be very important to me, and my wife, in our relationship. No matter what happends, we both know that we can count on each other’s support. We can rely on each other in every situation what ever it may be.

In situations of sorrow, grief or despair, be there for her, try helping find a way out of it. Or if it is impossible at the time, just be there by her side. She needs the comfort and empathy you can offer.

Also in moments of utter happiness, there aint no joy if we have no one to share it with. Here, too, she wants you to be by her side. To be honestly happy for her. Share her tears, whether they are tears of sorrow, ot tears of joy.

And then what? What else does this saying mean?

I’d say: Do whatever you can do to help her grow as a person! Is she a hobby writer? Then encourage her from your heart, let her know what she is good at, praise her improvements with all your heart. Tell her that she is a good writer - push her onwards. There is nothing more uplifting to me, than when my wife boost my self-confidence by saying: “That song is so good!” about a song I wrote, and played it for her for the first time. One of the best moments I ever had was one time, when I played a sad song I just wrote, to her. When I finished, she looked at me without words, and tears was running down her cheeks. She didn’t need to say anything.

We all need this. We all need to hear that we are good at something. We all need to be encouraged. And who would tell us, if not our loved ones? I am most fortunate to have this wonderful, sexy, loving wife that keeps telling me I’m the world’s most fantastic man.

Sometimes I actually believe her….. ;o)

The murder of a 10 year old girl

Pelle — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 15:32:31 +0000

For the first time in her life, little 10 year old Engla was allowed to ride her bike home alone, from her football training…

A week ago, a little girl in Sweden, Engla, was reported missing. She was on her way home from football training. She called from her cellphone several times, to inform her parents of her wereabouts.

Her bicycle was found no more than 500 meters from home. But the girl was gone. A massive search was organized; police, the military, and more than 200 villagers took part in the search for Engla.

Days passed. The police arrested a man, accused of abducting Engla. The search continued in hope of finding the girl.

This morning, I broke into tears. The morning paper revealed the story about the man confessing. And he led the police to the place where he had buried the body of Engla.

I really dont know what to say. There are no words. I am a parent of three kids myself, and I can feel in every bone in my body, what her parents must have been going through. And are going through right now.

There are no words. There is no solace to be found. Only a heartbreaking truth. Only an unthinkable outcome of this drama.

Today, my heart and thoughts are with Englas family. I can hardly bear the state of helplessness, the feelings of misbelief. And if I can’t…. How in the world are her poor parents supposed to find the strength to live on? When all hope has disappeared?

What I will do, is what thousands of people will do tonight, a small manifestation for Engla. Tonight at 9PM I will light a candle for Engla. In hope that her soul comes to peace, in hope that she will return to us soon, in her next life.

Rest in peace, dear Engla. My heart will travel with you.

//Pelle

http://www.thelocal.se/10930/20080406/

Those little things…

Pelle — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 20:26:05 +0000

This morning I got up early( well….8AM).

I was heading to Gothenburg to pick up some books for our business. Making breakfast, I notice there was no coffee. A little disturbed, I manage to dig up some old instant capuccino coffee.

Well on my way, I stopped at the gas station to buy a coke and something to chew on. And then the thought struck me; Mi -me wife- had no coffee.

“What the hell” I thought. “It’s only a 5 minute delay”. I bought a pack of coffe at the gas station - at triple the the price compare to the grocery store - but wtf - It wasn’t open this early anyway.

I headed back home, dropped the coffee in our mailbox (no…not the email inbox, nerd), next to the morning paper, and went on with my trip to Gothenburg.

About two hours later, my SMS inbox yells.

“Thanks for being such a wonderful husband. Thank you for buying me coffee! I love you. Kisses, your wife”

That little wonderful message is worth ANY trouble. For that little 5 minute effort I made my wife love me - all day! :o)

Not a big task. Not a monstrous effort in any way. But the reward is so great.

It only takes a moment of care. You only need to think of your love for one second, and go a little out of your way to make her happy. It didn’t take much. But the reward shure made those minutes worth while.

See you again.

//Pelle

The Lemonarian Life

Pelle — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 20:53:01 +0000

A remarkable 13 year old…

You really should take a trip to this blog:

Lemonarian Life

This guy is so mature in his thinking. He treats the english language like a native. (He is from Sweden). He is talking about things I never hear ppl my age discuss ever! And - he is also the proud son of me, his father. Or…..ehmm….maybe it was the other way around…?

Go there now - before you go too the loo! He has a very interesting blog.

Lemonarian Life