Changing the course…

Although the main focus in this blog has been my thoughts and experiences about our relationships, I have sometimes tended to lose myself in other subjects. Though sometimes interesting, sometimes heartbreaking, I feel that my focus should be on the most important thing in our lives, next to having peace, food and somewhere to live; our love life. The quest for a life of quality, if you want.

So from now on, this blog will be more focused. And at the same time more “spread out” (Aye, I know I’m not the best at english terms). More focused in relationship issues. More wide, in the aspect that I can blab about more various sides of our life together.

Bare with me. I will do my very best. (As every year, James… )

//Pelle

Just another relationship…. :o)

Live your own life…

Try not to live each other’s life. You can’t change who you are and what you love to do - and neither can she.

It happends way too often. The two of you fall in love, you move in with each other and enters a romantic life together. And then one of you - or both- gives up everything you used to do “before” to fill your day. In benefit(?) of each other…

And one day you discover that you actually have no life of your own. No tennis, no stampcollecting, no beer on the pub with da mates, no nothing. You realize that you live only through her…

Don’t let that happen. Encourage each other  to keep on living your own lives. Give yourselves enough space to spend time and do things apart from your love. Nothing good comes from holding hands 24/7.

To quote John Gray, I have my own “cave” to dwell in. I am a travelling book salesman and every night before a day out, I spend an hour or two in the garage, filling up the van with new books. From time to time, I sort of slow things down, spend a little more time than needed in there. And that is only in order to be by myself for a little while. Time to let my thoughts wander freely. Time to be silent, to have no one to talk to. Time to breathe, to be just…me.

And I say this enriches our life together. I am convinced that my time alone makes me feel so much better. And therefor the time with my wife makes me whole.

I need both. I need her more than I ever needed anything in my life. But I also need the space and time to talk to myself.

We have also learned to “be alone together”. We can sit in the same room doing different stuff, without speaking to each other for an hour or more. Just being content to be in the same room.

And after 17 years, our love continues to grow deeper.

Until next time,

//Pelle

Those tiny little white lies…

You have all heard the old saying. ” A liar’s most important “quality” is a very good memory.”

True enough. If you start spreading lies around you you sure as hell need to remember every word that comes from your mouth. Otherwise, you are in deep shit.

But that’s not my point here. I have definately no wish to teach you how to live your life in lies, and get away with it. That would contradict all I stand for. For me, lying to my love does not exist.

It has to do with respect.You don’t want to lie to a person you love and respect. Be you - remember? Lies are an evil thing. It achieves nothing. It only turns your relationship into a mine field.

If you have done something that will upset your girl - be honest about it. Your relationship will survive that small thingy. Maybe it will survive just because you were honest about it. It means she will trust you when you actually have not been a bad boy.

Else - think twice before doing it, if it scares you to tell her.

However - a little piece of advice may fit in here. Avoiding lies, does not mean you have to spell your every thought out loud. “Do I look fat in this?” Tricky, right? Maybe the right choice of answer is not “yes, a little”…. You can probably honestly tell her that she looks better in that other dress.

All in all, telling the truth might mess your day up. But lies will screw you for life.

’til next time - be true

//Pelle