“I’m so sorry! I promise I will never hit you again…”

Well…..Here we are. Violence in relationships.

Countless men (and, actually, a small number of women ) beats their partner. Countless men beat their girl to death, even. In many cases they torture their partner in order to force them to stay. The logic in such behaviour sure eludes me… On the other hand, many men have long ago stopped loving her, the only thing they have in common are the furniture…

So you don’t love her? So you don’t even like her a little? Maybe you even despise her? So you start beating her, telling her ( and yourself) that it is for her own good. She must know her place, in order to be happy? She must learn to obey? You need to get your frustration out of the system??

Well, boy - seems to be your brains have got out of your system. Guys that beat their partner, is the number two on my list of persons who actually deserves death penalty. (Number one is the pedo’s by the way)

Yes you heard me. (Read actually if you wanna be picky). I’m absolutely honest with you. You have forfeited your right to your own life if you start to beat your girl. I would gladly come personally to throw you out from the roof of Empire State Building, if I had the chance to.

For christ’s sake! If you do not love her - why don’t you just leave her? Go separate ways and give her a chance to find a another man, and yourself an opportunity to find a happy life for yourself.

I don’t get it. I fucking don’t get it. What are men hoping to achieve by beating their women? Let’s say you manage to beat her into …ehm… obedience? Having dinner ready at the table whenever you feel like coming home? You strive for a life with a woman that is terrified of you, scared of doing just about anything, in fear of how you might react? Is that the kind of life you want to live? Is your selfconfidence so totally trampled into the mud, so that you have to torture her to act as if she loves you? What a wonderful sex-life you must have….

Are you so lost that you believe no one could have loved you for your good sides?

So - you beat your partner to create a make-believe life where she, in your fucked-up mind, loves you? Fuck you man. The best thing you can do for this world is kill yourself. That way, the rest of us can live our lives the way it is suppodes to.

Go kill yourself. I’ll be happy to provide you with the rope.

Help your love to grow as a person…

I always hear people - friends as well as others- discuss their partners in terms of; “is she the right one for me?” “Is he really my Prince Charming???”

I admit - I used to be one of those people myself. Always wondering, always asking meself if “she” was the princess I’d been waiting for. But somewhere along the way I read something somewhere. I can’t recall if it was some old asian word of wisdom, or what it really was. What I do remember, is that it made some impression on me. It read:

“Do not be so concerned whether she is the right one for you, or not. Instead put your effort in being the right one for her.”

Now - this is truly words of wisdom. These words are damn well worth pondering over. Are we all too self-occupied? Are we or aint we looking only to our own good?

What do these words mean?

There was no answer to that. No key to the right answers… So I had to be my own interpreter.

Eventually, I did find some ways to put this to use in my every day life together with me wife.

First of all; try to be her best support, her best sponsor if you like. Every now and then she she will need your support in one way or another. You will need to be there for her - to comfort, to support, to tell her she’s doing the right thing, to help her her decide…(you decide how long you want this list to be…) Always, always!, let her know that you are by her side, and by her side only. Make it your task to see to it, that she feels good and comfortable. She is worth your every effort - remember, you do love her - right?

This has grown to be very important to me, and my wife, in our relationship. No matter what happends, we both know that we can count on each other’s support. We can rely on each other in every situation what ever it may be.

In situations of sorrow, grief or despair, be there for her, try helping find a way out of it. Or if it is impossible at the time, just be there by her side. She needs the comfort and empathy you can offer.

Also in moments of utter happiness, there aint no joy if we have no one to share it with. Here, too, she wants you to be by her side. To be honestly happy for her. Share her tears, whether they are tears of sorrow, ot tears of joy.

And then what? What else does this saying mean?

I’d say: Do whatever you can do to help her grow as a person! Is she a hobby writer? Then encourage her from your heart, let her know what she is good at, praise her improvements with all your heart. Tell her that she is a good writer - push her onwards. There is nothing more uplifting to me, than when my wife boost my self-confidence by saying: “That song is so good!” about a song I wrote, and played it for her for the first time. One of the best moments I ever had was one time, when I played a sad song I just wrote, to her. When I finished, she looked at me without words, and tears was running down her cheeks. She didn’t need to say anything.

We all need this. We all need to hear that we are good at something. We all need to be encouraged.  And who would tell us, if not our loved ones? I am most fortunate to have this wonderful, sexy, loving wife that keeps telling me I’m the world’s most fantastic man.

Sometimes I actually believe her….. ;o)

For the first time in her life, little 10 year old Engla was allowed to ride her bike home alone, from her football training…

A week ago, a little girl in Sweden, Engla, was reported missing. She was on her way home from football training. She called from her cellphone several times, to inform her parents of her wereabouts.

Her bicycle was found no more than 500 meters from home. But the girl was gone. A massive search was organized; police, the military, and more than 200 villagers took part in the search for Engla.

Days passed. The police arrested a man, accused of abducting Engla. The search continued in hope of finding the girl.

This morning, I broke into tears. The morning paper revealed the story about the man confessing. And he led the police to the place where he had buried the body of Engla.

I really dont know what to say. There are no words. I am a parent of three kids myself, and I can feel in every bone in my body, what her parents must have been going through. And are going through right now.

There are no words. There is no solace to be found. Only a heartbreaking truth. Only an unthinkable outcome of this drama.

Today, my heart and thoughts are with Englas family. I can hardly bear the state of helplessness, the feelings of misbelief. And if I can’t…. How in the world are her poor parents supposed to find the strength to live on? When all hope has disappeared?

What I will do, is what thousands of people will do tonight, a small manifestation for Engla. Tonight at 9PM I will light a candle for Engla. In hope that her soul comes to peace, in hope that she will return to us soon, in her next life.

Rest in peace, dear Engla. My heart will travel with you.

//Pelle

http://www.thelocal.se/10930/20080406/

This morning I got up early( well….8AM).

I was heading to Gothenburg to pick up some books for our business. Making breakfast, I notice there was no coffee. A little disturbed, I manage to dig up some old instant capuccino coffee.

Well on my way, I stopped at the gas station to buy a coke and something to chew on. And then the thought struck me; Mi -me wife- had no coffee.

“What the hell” I thought. “It’s only a 5 minute delay”. I bought a pack of coffe at the gas station - at triple the the price compare to the grocery store - but wtf - It wasn’t open this early anyway.

I headed back home, dropped the coffee in our mailbox (no…not the email inbox, nerd), next to the morning paper, and went on with my trip to Gothenburg.

About two hours later, my SMS inbox yells.

“Thanks for being such a wonderful husband. Thank you for buying me coffee! I love you. Kisses, your wife”

That little wonderful message is worth ANY trouble. For that little 5 minute effort I made my wife love me - all day!  :o)

Not a big task. Not a monstrous effort in any way. But the reward is so great.

It only takes a moment of care. You only need to think of your love for one second, and go a little out of your way to make her happy. It didn’t take much. But the reward shure made those minutes worth while.

See you again.

//Pelle

A remarkable 13 year old…

You really should take a trip to this blog:

Lemonarian Life

This guy is so mature in his thinking. He treats the english language like a native. (He is from Sweden). He is talking about things I never hear ppl my age discuss ever! And - he is also the proud son of me, his father.  Or…..ehmm….maybe it was the other way around…?

Go there now - before you go too the  loo!  He has a very interesting blog.

Lemonarian Life

About being best friends…

When you need help in any way - where do you go? If you are feeling blue or having problems - who do you talk to? Your sister? Your buddy? You go to mom?

That’s all fine. Don’t stop. Keep doing that, but please think of this:

You actually don’t have to step out of your way. You don’t have to go anywhere. Me and my wife are sharing the great fortune and pleasure to have each other as our best friends. This is, as far as I can see, very important if you are serious about having a healthy relationship.

I mean, if my love is having troubles with something what so ever, if she by some reason is feeling down , I sure would want her to come to me - at least for comfort if nothing else. I would want to be there for her. I would want to be her natural choice of  person to come talkling to. To be the shoulder for her to cry on, if needed.

But apart from troubles and downsides? Even in our daily life, when everything is fine, we are really best friends. And i can see no reason why we should not be. After all we live our days together, we laugh at the same jokes. We eat the same food at the same table, we are intimate lovers. We share everything, and there are no secrets between us.

It’s just natural. Our deep friendship came unforced, without us having to “decide” that it should be so. We have grown so close together, and we appreciate each others company - it’s only natural for us to turn to each other, when we need to. Or to have a shoulder to cry on.