Live your own life…

Try not to live each other’s life. You can’t change who you are and what you love to do - and neither can she.

It happends way too often. The two of you fall in love, you move in with each other and enters a romantic life together. And then one of you - or both- gives up everything you used to do “before” to fill your day. In benefit(?) of each other…

And one day you discover that you actually have no life of your own. No tennis, no stampcollecting, no beer on the pub with da mates, no nothing. You realize that you live only through her…

Don’t let that happen. Encourage each other  to keep on living your own lives. Give yourselves enough space to spend time and do things apart from your love. Nothing good comes from holding hands 24/7.

To quote John Gray, I have my own “cave” to dwell in. I am a travelling book salesman and every night before a day out, I spend an hour or two in the garage, filling up the van with new books. From time to time, I sort of slow things down, spend a little more time than needed in there. And that is only in order to be by myself for a little while. Time to let my thoughts wander freely. Time to be silent, to have no one to talk to. Time to breathe, to be just…me.

And I say this enriches our life together. I am convinced that my time alone makes me feel so much better. And therefor the time with my wife makes me whole.

I need both. I need her more than I ever needed anything in my life. But I also need the space and time to talk to myself.

We have also learned to “be alone together”. We can sit in the same room doing different stuff, without speaking to each other for an hour or more. Just being content to be in the same room.

And after 17 years, our love continues to grow deeper.

Until next time,

//Pelle